A collection of games by Lamprey Systems / Robert Carr. Weird, whacky, funny, offensive, obscene, grotesque; fun for all the family!

A fascinating insight into underground software development on the Macintosh platform.

Sourced from: https://archive.org/details/LampreyGames

Included are the following:

Die, Dobbs, Die!

Snuff your Short Duration Personal Savior... but he keeps hiding behind one evil mystic symbol after another! Simple but effective. Compatible with all Macs. (108 K)

Ed Norton Utilities

The most powerful Macintosh diagnostic tool in the universe! Trust me... Compatible with all Macs. (55 K)

Haikook

Classical Japanese Haiku Poetry for White Trash. Requires System 6.X. (685 K)

Kill Bob

Shoot JR "Bob" Dobbs in the head and steal his SLACK. Score over 100,000 points and receive a lifetime supply of SLACK! Compatible with all Macs. (373 K)

MacJesus 1.25

"MacJesus: Your Personal Savior On A Floppy Disk" This is the original, HyperCard version of the self-help program that operates from the premise that you're poor, you're a criminal and that you sleep with sheep. 

MacSpudd!

Haul your load of potatoes across a post-apocalyptic Idaho. But watch out for Mutant Jackalopes, Free-fire Zone Hunters, and Aryan Yuppies! Requires Mac Plus or higher.

MacWanker

A random obscene phrase generator. 

Mormonoids From The Deep

Trapped in town of Mormonville with only a suitcase nuke and a Colt .45 you must destroy the evil Yogsoggsmith before you sober up. 

PornoWriter 2.0

Cutting edge DTP (Desk Top Pornography) from 1989. 

Rupture The Rapture

Not a paste! Not a gel! "Rupture The Rapture" contains over one megabyte of offensive graphics and heinous sound f/x's guaranteed to bring soothing relief to irritations caused by Christian Fundamentalism or DOUBLE your religious persecution back!

STRATEGIC DEFENSE INITIATIVE TECHNOLOGY CHEAP!

"Rupture The Rapture's" patented V.W.A.R.E. (VolksWagen, Anti-matter Railgun-Equipped) weapons system is a state-of- the-art particle accelerator capable of destroying Soviet SS-20 missiles. Imagine what it can do the average Heaven-bound Bible-Thumper!

LAUGH AT JEHOVAH!

Or any other deity foolish enough to come into your crosshairs.

YOUR MACINTOSH WANTS YOU TO KILL GOD!

"Rupture The Rapture" runs on any Macintosh from the Plus to the Power with 2 megabytes of free RAM and using System 6.05 or higher. It supports both monochrome and color Macintoshes; and is guaranteed .05% venom by-weight.

Pretty Good Pornography 3.0

WORLD DOOMED!!! PGP 3 RELEASED

In yet another sign of the impending apocalypse, Lamprey Systems today announced the release of PGP 3 (Pretty Good Pornography 3.0).

The program, a major upgrade of Lamprey Systems' Porno Writer 2.0, randomly produces Penthouse Forum-type letters ranging in content from the merely obscene to the patently absurd. Users select from any of the nine storylines, supplying names, sex acts and other incriminating information to produce professional quality erotica. PGP 3 represents a major breakthrough in DTP (Desk Top Pornography).

When asked to comment on the release of PGP 3, Lamprey Systems founder Robert Carr replied, "This software wasn't released - it ESCAPED!"

PGP 3's group of prestigious beta testers supplied these comments:

"Sure it was degrading to women, but sometimes I like to be degraded."

- Catharine Mackinnion

"More fun than shooting your wife in the head...maybe."

- William S. Burroughs

"Al didn't understand a lot of it, but Bill did."

- Tipper Gore

Hexon Exon

IS THE COMMUNICATIONS DECENCY ACT GOING TO PUT A CRIMP IN YOUR E-MAIL?

"HexOn Exon" allows people to e-mail filthy messages to one another while preventing children and government police agencies from intercepting the messages and becoming distressed by their contents.

Here is an example of how "HexOn Exon" works:

Ms. Jane Doe, a pesticide saleswoman from Vacaville, California, wishes to e-mail her friend (and pesticide wholesaler), Mr. John Q. Public, a passage from Nicholson Baker's novel, "The Fermata" (Random House, 1994) which contains graphic descriptions of sexual acts.

Under proposed federal legislation, e-mailing this passage could land Ms. Doe in federal prison, and she could lose her pesticide business as well.

But if she and Mr. Public each owned a copy of "HexOn Exon," she could send this message, and any other text message, without fear of getting caught by the government or destroying the moral fiber of our nation's youngsters. She would simply first run the text of her e-mail through the program before sending it.

"HexOn Exon" incorporates a search-and-replace routine, using the names of the 84 Senators who voted in favor of the Exon amendment as code words for naughty terms.

Here's the sample passage after being encoded by HexOn Exon:

"It was a handsome feinstein, no question; watching him, Marian felt she needed to hold that purple stanchion for herself at least once. "Sylvie?" she asked. "You won't mind if I make sure your lover is good and lugar for you, will you?" "No, just do it fast and get him in there!" said Sylvie, kissing her own bicep muscle. "Either that or shove one of those big boxer-feinsteins up my exon and dole him off into my kerry. Your choice, But get something big up my exon now!"

Ms. Doe can now safely e-mail her message to Mr. Public. When Mr. Public receives the message, he simply runs it back through his copy of "HexOn Exon" to get the original text.

Yes, now you can have your exon and eat it too!

MacJesus ProGold

Your Personal Savior on a Floppy Disk Returns...

How many times in a crisis situation have you turned to prayer, only to discover that the line is busy or perhaps even disconnected?

It's alarming but true, most prayer requests go unanswered due to the sheer magnitude of verbal and written correspondence received by GOD every day.

Even worse, some prayers are misaddressed, others are sent to the wrong department, and even a few are slipped down drain pipes and sent straight to HELL by lazy angels looking to get off work early.

Some requests such as "Peace On Earth" and "Good Will Towards Men" are not even in stock and never have been.

That's why you need an inside track when dealing with The Creator Of The Universe. That's why you need MacJesus.

Having MacJesus is like having a direct line to our Savior 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

With MacJesus you'll not only be able to communicate with the Lord, you'll be able to see and hear Him! Imagine the excitement of not only seeing the face of God, but also hearing him respond to you in the same celestial language spoken by angels and used car salesmen.

Program Specs:

MacJesus ProGold will run on any Macintosh using System 6.05 or higher and requires 2 megs of hard drive space.

Geraldo-Matic

Spill Your Guts With Gerald-O-Matic!

Now you too can have a trash TV interview with talk show host Geraldo Reararea. Relieve your suicide attempts, recount your heroic battle against drug addiction. Spill your guts with Geraldo-Matic.

Anything goes with Gerald-O-Matic!"

plus-circle Add Review

comment

Reviews