tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC June 2, 2010 12:35am-1:35am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: thank you very much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. oh, what a crowd. you guys feeling good out there, you feeling good? [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome to the show. let's get right to the news. tiger woods is telling friends that his marriage is over. yeah, his friends are trying to be sensitive, but there are only so many ways you can say, "no [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] yeah. this is bad. royal caribbean -- royal caribbean says that 94 people got sick with vomiting and diarrhea on one of its cruises. yeah. you should have seen the mess afterwards. even b.p. was like, "good luck cleaning that up. yeah, that's -- [ laughter ] -- i'm not touching that." do you guys watch "american idol"? [ cheers ] well, last night on the show lady gaga performed while wearing a fishnet and lace costume.
you might think that sounds tame for lady gaga, but the fishnet still had fish in it -- [ laughter ] -- so that's what made it very interesting. that's right. she wore -- lady gaga wore a fishnet and lace costume. when he got to the studio and saw her, ryan seacrest was like, "well, i guess i've got to go home and change -- [ laughter ] -- don't want to be twinsies." this is exciting. an employee out of nbc in los angeles won the $266 million mega million lottery jackpot. [ cheers and applause ] the last time anybody at nbc made that much money, they were being paid to leave "the tonight show." [ laughter ] [ audience boos ] i just heard this about the times square bomber. you know the guy that put a bomb in his pathfinder. well, the suspect, faisal shahzad says he left a white isuzu get-away car near times square but was unable to use it on saturday because he left the keys in the pathfinder. [ laughter ]
that had to be a weird call to onstar, right? "hello, onstar, what is your emergency?" "oh, man, you are not going to believe this -- [ laughter ] so, i'm trying to blow up times square, right? i am in such a hurry to escape homemade bomb, i totally locked the keys in my car, it's just one of those days. it's like --" [ laughter ] oh, onstar. that's right. before leaving an suv in times square on saturday, faisal shahzad did a practice drive with a white isuzu on friday night. i guess people became suspicious when they realized it was 2010 and someone was driving an isuzu. [ laughter ] the more news out of new york, the new broadway play about enron didn't get any major tony nominations and will lose $4 million when it closes on sunday. in other words, it was a major success compared to the real enron. so, that's a good thing. [ light laughter ] and finally because of the whole designer dog craze, a man who invented the labradoodle says he now regrets the decision.
yeah, you know who regrets the decision even more, the poodle that got boned by a labrador. that's -- "ouch!" [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for the roots, right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, welcome, welcome, welcome, my buddy. hey, everybody, i'm doing stand-up comedy this weekend, if you're in worcester, massachusetts this saturday at the hanover theater for the performing arts. the show starts at 8:00 p.m. it should be a fun time. tickets are $8,000 each. [ light laughter ] we have a great show tonight. there is a legend in the house. she's hosting "saturday night live" this weekend with musical guest jay-z, the one and only betty white is here. [ cheers and applause ] yes! we love betty white. also we've got one of the great american actors and just a great american in general, oliver platt is joining us.
[ cheers and applause ] he's a great guy, too. and we have a very, very, very funny comic making his "late night" debut. we've got some stand-up from pete holmes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he's a funny man. he's a funny guy. you guys, mother's day is this weekend and a lot of you are probably looking for last-minute gifts. well, here's and idea. this year why not give mom something she really wants, something that says you appreciate all that she is and all that she's done. that's right, this year get her a new velvet elvis. [ light laughter ] you know those cheesy velvet paintings where elvis is usually crying or singing. it's the hottest gift out there right now. i mean, sales of these things are through the roof. let's take a look at this chart, here, look -- here's a roof and here are the sales. [ laughter ] they're through the roof. anyway, we got a hold of some of these new velvet elvis' or velvet elvi as i sometimes refer to them. [ light laughter ] and you can see why they're such big sellers. i mean, they really do a good job keeping these things current with the times, like this one
here. here's elvis crying because kate gosselin got kicked off "dancing with the stars." [ laughter ] it was a very emotional moment for him, for all of us really. amd that was just a few weeks ago, so you can see how these things are up to date, this is just fantastic stuff. look at this one, here. there's another one. we can all relate to this one in these times. it's elvis trying to put together a dresser he got from ikea. [ laughter ] and that is the -- if i'm not mistaken that's the "flergan blergan" in espresso finish, i like that one. i'm sure he got a good deal on it. but those directions can be hard to figure out, even for the king. let's check out this next one here. now, if elvis were alive today, and i'm not saying he's not because if he was this is something he'd be into, i know that. he's playing beer pong with richard simmons. and -- [ laughter ] -- it looks like he won. he's psyched. i mean, that's a shutout. [ applause ] many people -- many people don't know this but elvis was legendary for his beer pong skills. richard simmons, too, but everybody knows that. [ laughter ]
oh, mom is going to love this one. it's elvis waiting on line overnight outside the apple store with alf to get the new ipad 3g. so, they keep it -- [ laughter ] the ipad 3g just came out, so it must have been done like last week. it's really current stuff. this next one really caught me by surprise when i first saw it. it's a depiction of elvis on that tv show "undercover boss." he's going undercover as a tour guide as graceland. and that's a great disguise. i mean, the -- [ laughter ] -- hard hat, groucho marx glasses, blonde wig, white jumpsuit and sideburns. how would they even know that it was elvis? he's gonna get some good footage out of that thing. oh, this one's a great one, here. this one's crazy. it's elvis attempting to high five the queen of england after making a 4:20 joke. and she -- [ laughter ] -- you can see the clock there. it's 4:20 right there and she's not into it. it's not her cup of tea. but if she did have a cup of tea
it probably would be around 4:20. >> steve: high tea -- >> jimmy: sometime around 4:00, yeah. >> steve: high tea, with a -- "i-g-h." >> jimmy: whatever. [ light laughter ] you got to remember that joke for sometime. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: oh, man, this is another one that mom is going to love. it's elvis sitting in a hovercraft at whole foods shopping for organic lychee milk. [ laughter ] in the future this is how we'll all be shopping for organic lychee milk mostly because lychee milk will be the only milk out there as hovercrafts will -- whatever. [ laughter ] >> steve: and mom's gonna love it. mom's gonna love that one. try it again. >> jimmy: as hovercrafts will precipitate the death of all cows on earth. [ laughter ] that's a whole different story. >> steve: so the cows -- >> jimmy: is it lychee or lychee. >> steve: i would say lychee, but i don't know. i've only lived in china for 6 years. >> jimmy: it's lychee, milk, right? [ laughter ] it's lychee, right? lychee, right? oh, it's lychee? huh? [ laughter ] who says it's lee-chee? >> steve: who says lychee? ♪ let's call the whole thing off ♪
>> jimmy: what is it? >> steve: it's a nut, right? is it the lychee nut? >> jimmy: the lychee nut. finding out right now. should i google it? yeah. google it. >> steve: bing it. >> jimmy: i'm going to bing it. i'm going to bing it. >> steve: bing it! [ laughter ] it's going to show up, and it'll be like crazy weird phonetics of the phonetic alphabet that i won't be able to understand. >> jimmy: here we go. how to pronounce lychee in english. learn how to pronounce it. loading right now. how do you pronounce, it's lychee. yeah, lychee. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you lied to me earlier. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: you told me that it -- there we go. >> steve: it's not even friday. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's fun doing this drunk.
no -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] elvis has been dead for a while, at least that's what the government wants us to believe, but if he was around, i'm sure he'd be into some really cool hobbies like this -- here he is taking a decoupage class with donald trump and tron. [ laughter ] and look, this one has a pull string attached in the back here, i don't know if you see that there -- that pull string. it's pretty cool, check this out. "yo, tron, check out my decoupage, man. it's pretty cool. [ laughter ] what is trump doing, he's making a picture frame or something. man, that's crazy. you my best friend, trump." [ laughter ] weird. [ cheers and applause ] friends with tron. >> steve: this is what makes america great. >> jimmy: thank you. this one totally blew my mind when i saw, it's elvis on the back of a pickup truck driven by questlove chasing a tornado while drinking a monster energy drink. [ cheers and applause ] questlove, i didn't know you were into storm chasing, were you?
yeah, see that's cool. [ laughter ] this one has a -- >> steve: questlove, storm chasers inc. >> jimmy: let's see questlove's arms again. is he a weightlifr? [ laughter ] yeah, you are, yeah. this one's got a pull string on it, too. "yo, man, questlove is totally into storm chasing, jimmy, i'm not kidding, man. also, this monster energy drink is good, man. questlove, you're my best friend forever." [ laughter ] isn't that nice. [ cheers ] >> steve: sweet. >> jimmy: oh, man, i'm going to put this one up in my office, i think. i have to. it's very happening, it's very now, it's very today. it's elvis on a rollercoaster with mahmoud ahmadinejad and iron man. [ laughter ] and this is -- [ audience ohs ] that's a great one. ahmadinejad, should put his hands down. that's not legal, but elvis is also using a solar powered calculator to figure out the sales tax if he were to buy season two of "deadwood" on blue-ray. [ laughter ] >> steve: wow.
>> jimmy: a true reflection of what's happening out on the streets right now. >> steve: does that have a pull string on it, too? >> jimmy: no, it doesn't. >> steve: oh -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it does. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "wee -- man!" [ laughter ] like a roller coaster. >> steve: that's good. people love it. >> jimmy: here's the last one, here. this is -- huh -- weird. it's just elvis in a beige jumpsuit holding a bag of mulch. well, that's really boring. >> yo, did somebody say boring? >> jimmy: boring elvis, is that you? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, my god. i can't believe this is happening. ladies and gentlemen, here to sing his new hit song "i'm going to go to a hardware store and buy some mulch," it's boring elvis! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm going to go to a hardware store and buy some mulch ♪
♪ i'm going to go to a hardware store and buy some mulch ♪ ♪i'm going to go to the store get some mulch ♪ ♪ and then i'm going to google up lychee nut ♪ ♪ i'm going to go to a hardware store and buy some mulch ♪ ♪ said i'm gonna go to the hardware store and buy some mulch ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! boring elvis, everybody! we'll right back with betty white! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ playdates are a great way for my kids to learn to deal with other kids. you know, when they get out here... unbelievable. he has a sienna? i thought we were friends, gary. i really needed the space. you got the same carseat in there, gary. wait right there while daddy puts all this stuff back in the car. when this kind of thing happens,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a television icon and a six-time emmy award-winner. you know her from classics like "the mary tyler moore show" and "the golden girls" as well as the summer blockbuster "the proposal." this saturday she hosts "saturday night live." put your hands together for the lovely, legendary, miss betty white! ♪
[ ram jam's black betty plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they love you! they love you, they love you! they love you! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: such a -- thank you so much for being here. you look gorgeous. you can't be hotter right now. >> oh, isn't that sweet. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: you are the hottest thing out there right now. >> i am not the hottest thing out there -- >> jimmy: yes you -- >> -- i have -- everybody says, well, what -- "you've come back." i never went away. [ laughter ] i've just been hanging around. >> jimmy: you didn't have a comeback at all. last week were you at the white house correspondents dinner, right? >> yes.
>> jimmy: i was at that, too. >> you were there, too but we didn't -- of course, 9 million people. >> jimmy: it's fun, though. i've never been. have you been before? >> i've never been before, and i was so thrilled at meeting -- met the attorney general and his wife and so forth, i'm thinking all these people, and then two nights later the "time" 100 dinner. went to both -- i've been surrounded by important people for so long i just want to sit here and look. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's super fun, but now has it changed you? do you have an entourage now? has it gone to your head? >> oh, well, i've become something of a diva. [ laughter ] i mean, why not? >> jimmy: why not? >> why not, and so i -- i expect everyone to wait on me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i have an entourage. and i have my agent and my secretary. that's an -- >> jimmy: two counts -- yeah. two counts as being a diva. yeah. >> yes, let's hope. >> jimmy: you could you never be a diva. >> i didn't know how you mark it down. >> jimmy: well, this whole thing started from, you were hilarious in a snickers commercial at the super bowl, right? >> oh, i wasn't hilarious, but the snickers were so good. but -- [ laughter ]
-- i never heard -- [ cheers ] >> jimmy: snickers are good. >> i know which side my bread is buttered on. >> jimmy: absolutely, but did you this and you were really funny and then this guy on facebook, david matthews, he started a facebook group and go -- it said, "i want betty white to host 'saturday night live.' everyone should get behind me." he started this giant internet thing, and do you know this guy? have you met him? >> i have not met him, and when i do, i'm going to kill him. [ laughter ] i'm so scared. i am scared to death. >> jimmy: no. >> it's a wonderful group of people, and -- and the regular gals are coming back, tina fey and amy poehler. >> jimmy: ana gasteyer. [ cheers and applause ] molly shannon, rachel dratch. >> all the wonderful regulars, so that's -- that's a privilege to work with them. >> jimmy: and then you have jay-z. [ cheers and applause ] >> and jay-z. >> jimmy: that guy is genius. >> oh, gosh. >> jimmy: are you going to do any sketches with jay-z? >> i think we have a couple. [ cheers and applause ] you know, jay-z has 99 problems. [ laughter ]
let's stick to one of them. >> jimmy: this ain't one of them. oh, my gosh. i cannot wait for you to do this. i swear i can not wait. this saturday is going to be one of my favorite episodes of "saturday night live" ever, i think. >> oh, no way. >> jimmy: i'm not putting the pressure on you 'cause i know you'll be great. but i already heard from upstairs, like, that it's gonna be -- that you are phenomenal, first of all. i knew that. >> oh, sweetie, i don't -- my mother isn't around anymore to spread those kind of rumors. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. did you get any advice from other people like what to do? >> yes. i was on "regis and kelly." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and regis -- kelly said you get so nervous when you come out that your upper lip sticks to your teeth. she said put vaseline on your teeth. >> jimmy: is that right? >> so your lip will come back. now you've done it. do you have any advice for me?
>> jimmy: oh man, i was there -- i think you just have to have fun with it. really have fun and just know that -- i think when you're done you're gonna want to do it immediately again. and you'll trust everyone up there. >> you want to bet? i'll lay odds on that one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have they asked you to host before? >> years ago they asked me three times and i said "no, thank you" each time because it's so new york and i'm so un -- i'm so california, and i thought i'd be like a fish out of water. [ cheers ] hi, california. [ laughter ] and -- but this time i -- when all the facebook stuff happened, i don't know where that came from. i haven't met the young man, but i told my agent, "please, thank them so much for me, but no, thank you." he said, "you've got to do it." i said, "why do i got to do it?" well, i am panic stricken. i might as well admit it. >> jimmy: have you done live theater or anything before? >> oh, not live theater, but i started five and a half hours a
day six days a week in television. >> jimmy: i think you know what you're doing. >> for four years. no script, no nothing, but you weren't doing -- you weren't doing comedy sketches. you were making stuff up as you went along which was -- there's a big difference. >> jimmy: my advice to you is to trust everyone. 'cause i know they have the best wardrobe and hair and makeup. they're gonna be pulling you in between sketches and taking off your clothes and putting on wigs. >> i hear that they manhandle you pretty good. [ laughter ] it's been a long time since i've been manhandled. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm looking forward to it. >> jimmy: looking forward to it, to the commercial breaks. [ laughter ] the last time were you on the show we played a great game. we played a game called beer pong. >> yes, and you cheated. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> well, you drank my beer. that's all i know. i thought i won the game, and he drank my beer. >> jimmy: i did drink your beer, yeah. i didn't -- you tried to drink
out of pitcher at one point. i go, "no, you just drink out of your cup." but would you mind? would you mind a rematch? >> a rematch. i would love a rematch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. >> we play very seriously. >> jimmy: yeah, i know you love games. so, yeah. >> yes, i do, and i love you doing it, and congratulations on the emmys, hosting the emmys. >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. very excited about that. when we come back, it's on. >> okay. >> jimmy: beer pong the rematch when we come back, you guys. betty white! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ - ( rock music playing ) - ♪ lights out... introducing bud light lime in cans. - ♪ shoot up the station... - the great taste of bud light lime - now goes wherever you need it to. - ♪ tv's dead ♪ where's there to run? darlin', don't got to worry ♪ - ♪ you're locked in tight - only the superior taste of bud light lime, with a refreshing splash of one hundred percent natural lime flavor, - puts you in the summer state of mind. - ♪ darlin' ♪ don't got to worry, you're locked in tight... ♪
in honor of your turn, which is my first win, we have officially upgraded the "late night" beer pong setup. let's check this out. look at this. the complete standings are here, but then we have a nice l.e.d. zipper board up here. isn't that amazing? [ cheers and applause ] i started my winning streak after i beat you. >> well, i hate it when you say "beat me." when you came out a little ahead, let's put it that way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and i didn't cheat. all right, here we go. this is all the rules. and everyone backstage was like, "you're going to let betty win, right?" and i was like, "no." >> in a word, "no." >> jimmy: competition, healthy competition. >> okay, you got it. >> jimmy: let's do this. here are the rules. we take turns. one shot each. if the ball lands in your cup you chug the beer. the first one to land two wins. >> now, remind me how we play. >> jimmy: okay, good. you take those ping-pong balls and just try to throw them into these cups. >> throw them in. >> jimmy: okay. >> can i bounce them in? >> jimmy: sure.
>> oh, sure, i can. >> jimmy: oh. >> what if it goes in here? >> jimmy: then you have to drink your own beer. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we love it when you come on, betty. >> okay. you're turn. >> jimmy: now it's my turn. here we go. ♪ [ audience ohs ] >> didn't even bounce. >> jimmy: didn't even bounce. >> oh. >> jimmy: drink it up, yeah. [ laughter ] [ drum roll ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i love having you on. this is great. here we go. for the win. ♪ >> ha-ha. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. "ha-ha." don't get distracted, betty. don't get distracted. don't get distracted.
ready? go again. you get another shot. >> i get another shot. >> jimmy: yeah, two shots. [ audience ohs ] oh, god. >> distraction. distraction. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i love this girl. you're the greatest, and i'm going to have this beer here, okay? i'm gonna do this 'cause i love you. you have to get back up to rehearsal. [ laughter ] i love you so much. don't miss betty white host "saturday night live" this saturday at 11:30 with musical guest jay-z. i love you. betty white. oliver platt joins us next. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much for watching. our next guest this evening is a tony and emmy award nominated actor known for his great work in "the west wing," "nip tuck," and "frost/nixon." his latest film, "please give," is currently in theaters. let's take a look at a clip. >> who is it? >> it's alex from next door. andra, we're just going to the drug store. is there anything -- -- hi. we're just going to the drug store. would you like us to get you anything while we're there? >> hi andra.
>> perfect. >> i hope you're not going to -- they are crooks. >> metro, metro drugs. >> we're going to metro. that's better. >> you're gaining weight. >> excuse me? >> you gained weight. >> thank you. >> what? >> thank you! be right back. >> jimmy: please welcome oliver platt, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ give a little bit of your love to me ♪ ♪ give a little bit >> jimmy: very funny. thanks for being here, oliver platt. >> it's my great pleasure. >> jimmy: what is the last name platt, what is your background? >> i think it's dutch, english, irish maybe. i can't claim to be an expert. i just know you have to be very careful when you're naming the kids, you don't want there to be
an "s" at the end of the first name. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> we loved the name alice for a girl. alice platt. >> jimmy: yeah. boris. >> it's tricky. yeah, boris platt. >> jimmy: lots of kids are naming their kids boris these days. i don't know why i came up with that one. >> is that a hot one? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. oh my god. >> is boris fallon coming down the pike? >> jimmy: there's a few of them out there already. [ laughter ] >> boris fallons? >> jimmy: yeah. >> nice. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> jimmy: i heard that you have the house to yourself tonight. >> it's date night. >> jimmy: you and the wife. >> yeah, our three children are either away on school trips that are all dovetailing nicely so i think we're going to go and see -- we're going to go see a movie. have you read these stieg larsson books, "the girl with the dragon tattoo," all that kind of stuff. >> jimmy: no, i downloaded it. i have it on my kindle. i have a pile of books on my kindle. >> dark, sensational books. >> jimmy: "the girl with the
dragon tatoo." >> there's three books. >> jimmy: how do you pronounce his name? >> stieg larsson. >> jimmy: yeah, stieg larsson. they're sensational. we're going to go see the swedish, subtitled version. >> jimmy: the movie is out already? >> the movie is out already, yeah, and we're obsessed with these books. he -- this poor guy, he was a crusading journalist. he wrote three books, wrote them, you know, all in a row before he submitted them all to his publisher, and then went out and -- and got in a traffic accident and died before they became an international sensation. >> jimmy: really. >> yeah, kind of sad for him. >> jimmy: what is it about, these books? >> you know, it's -- it's about this -- a very unlikely crime-solving duo, you know, this girl with a dragon tattoo. >> jimmy: i thought it was about vampires. is one of them a vampire? >> no, no. [ laughter ] the whole idea very incongruous about swedish crime fiction, i think of swedes as being so pleasant. >> jimmy: yeah. like there is no crime, like
crime doesn't exist. >> yeah, how would they commit -- how -- can they speak in such a -- how would they commit a crime, you know? they would say like -- [ swedish accent ] "i'm -- i'm going to tie you up and kill you now," with that -- and like, "is that okay?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: asking you if it's okay. >> is that okay. >> jimmy: okay. >> "and then i'm going to burn you." >> jimmy: "with the tiny flame thrower." >> "yes. and have some lingonberries on toast first." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they get to know them before they kill them. now, you're going out. your date night is to go out and watch this swedish version of this detective movie. >> that's just the beginning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's exciting. do you live in the city? >> live in the city. >> jimmy: really, and kids -- what are they doing? why are they not around? >> well, two kids, the younger kids are on school trips, one in d.c. and the other in philadelphia. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: the roots love philly. >> the roots love philly. well, i love the roots. >> jimmy: whoa. [ cheers and applause ]
>> best house band in the history of house bands. >> jimmy: in the history of television, right there. i agree with you, by the way. i love roots so much. >> the people always come on and give props to the house -- to the roots because -- >> jimmy: big props. >> got nothing out of it. >> jimmy: got the nothing out of it. >> they must get props all the time. the roots, right. >> jimmy: no, they love it. >> we love it. >> you love it? i love you. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] they are amazing. they are an amazing band. i love that you watch. >> but we're going to go, but the best part of the day is go home and put tin foil on the windows and turn the lights down low. >> jimmy: whoa. >> put on the barry white. >> jimmy: oh. ♪ >> yeah. ♪ oh, yeah >> jimmy: you know the way. did you like that swedish detective movie? >> yeah. [ speaking nonsense swedish ] [ laughter ]
>> swedish barry white. >> jimmy: yeah. swedish barry white. [ swedish accent ] >> "i'm going to tie you up. i'm going to kill you now." >> jimmy: give a little. ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: go. ♪ i'm going to tie you up i'm going to kill you now ♪ ♪ i'm going to tie you up i'm going to kill you now ♪ ♪ and have some lingonberry toast ♪ ♪ and have some lingonberry toast ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love that. hey, we'll be right back with oliver platt. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ depression is a serious medical condition that can take so much out of you. i feel like i have to wind myself up just to get out of bed. then...well, i have to keep winding myself up to deal with the sadness, the loss of interest, the trouble concentrating, the lack of energy. [ male announcer ] if depression is taking so much out of you, ask your doctor about pristiq®.
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♪ >> jimmy: we are back with the great oliver platt. his movie "please give" is in theaters now, and congrats on "please give." by the way, it's gotten great reviews. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: it's doing great -- and great cast. >> incredible cast. all of these -- you know -- >> jimmy: catherine keener -- >> -- catherine keener, rebecca hall, amanda peet, sarah steele, like five or six sensationally beautiful, talented, funny women and me. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. [ light laughter ] fantastic. that's great, see. and what is it about? can you explain it quickly? kind of a tricky thing. >> it's a tricky explain. it's -- it's one of these movies that's incredibly simple but, you know, it's -- to explain the subject matter -- but it's -- it's very, very funny, and it's
one of these movies that gets -- it kind of gets very deep while still being funny, and it's just these beautifully observed little moments. it's quite new yorky. it's about -- it's ostensibly very obsessed with new york real estate. but it's about -- it's just about the way people live now, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the one thing that i love about it, actually, is that it's very difficult to explain. i can't -- i can't explain to you what it's about. >> jimmy: you buy the apartment next to you, and the old lady is living there hoping that she dies so that you -- >> you're much better explaining the movie than i am. >> jimmy: right? >> that old lady in the clip -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- we've bought her apartment next door to ours, so that we can expand ours, but the deal is we have to wait until she passes into the great beyond. >> jimmy: i didn't know they do that. of course. >> well, i guess, i don't know. i guess they do. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. >> yeah, i mean nicole -- it comes from a story of her life, of her best friend entered into a situation exactly like that. >> jimmy: well it's a really, really super funny movie. we were talking in the commercial break about ipad. you have the apple -- you're into technology and stuff. >> oh, my god, yes, i am.
>> jimmy: really? >> we could have like the platt family, you know, gadget museum. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really, you love that stuff. i love it, too. >> my first -- my first cell phone was -- my dear old friend kevin bacon, we were making a move called "flatliners" a long, long time ago, and this is back right at the beginning of the -- >> jimmy: absolutely. >> -- when cell phones were just starting to happen, and he's like, "dude, check out my cell phone, it's portable." [ light laughter ] he pulls out -- he pulls out this like massive radioactive brick -- [ laughter ] -- out of this bag, and we're like, "whoa, it's portable, man." you had to have a wheelbarrow to carry them around they were so heavy. [ laughter ] but the cool thing was you could put it in your car. it was transportable. click it into your car, and you'd be all like james bond on speaker phone and then take it out of your car.
>> jimmy: "hold on. i have a call." >> exactly. >> jimmy: "hello? what, i can't hear you? the reception isn't good." yeah, and then you have a sunburn on the side of your face. >> exactly. you start to twitch because it's so radioactive. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and how are you loving the ipad? i haven't gotten my ipad. i have apple everything on my desk. >> completely obsessed with it. i'm totally obsessed with it. >> jimmy: for what? reading books? >> it's putting strain on my marriage. it's like date night is very, very well-timed. frickin' "plants versus zombies." it's all this stuff. >> jimmy: what? oh yeah, joel mchale was talking about this. >> "plants versus zombies" is big trouble, man. >> jimmy: you've played "plants versus zombies," right? he's got the ipad. he loves it. >> brains! well, you're protecting your backyard from zombies, and the only way you do it is plant plants that you hope grow in time and have the right special power to defeat the zombie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you are going to be in trouble on date night. i got to tell you -- you are going to be -- no they -- [ cheers and applause ] they love that. i'm playing one called "angry -- angry birds." >> "angry birds"? >> jimmy: "angry birds," it's much more simple. you put birds in a slingshot and you try to knock them so they can kill all these pigs. [ laughter ]
>> i'm in. >> jimmy: it is so fun. >> i am in. >> jimmy: instead of doing actual work, i'm playing "angry birds," yeah. it's ridiculous. >> do not get "plants versus zombies" because you won't have a show anymore. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll just be doing that all the time. >> yeah, lucky quest is even here. >> jimmy: yeah, really. he's playing right now. [ laughter ] this is unbelievable -- he just tweeted that out. are you on twitter, doing that or no? >> not doing that. >> jimmy: not going to do the twitter thing. >> just not for me. >> jimmy: rather just play "plants versus zombies." >> i'd rather play "plants versus zombies." >> jimmy: very good. have fun on your date night and maybe everybody out there, you should have a date night and go see "please give." it's a terrific film. my thanks to oliver platt. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with stand-up from pete holmes there he is in the bud light green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> all right. hey, you -- very nice to be here. i'm just happy to be out of house, to be honest with you. take a break from the 18 hours of facebookery this afternoon. [ scattered applause ] [ light laughter ] yeah. just the 18 hours for me. i like facebook, but i have a theory about it. i think the government created facebook. i think the government created it in an attempt to make privacy uncool. [ laughter ] think about it -- they don't have to tap our phones or survey us when we just yield to them -- [ laughter ] -- everything. just on our own free will. just home like "home address, a little weird, okay. [ laughter ] phone number -- call me. photos -- photos of everyone i know? [ laughter ] here, let me tag those for you. [ laughter and applause ] that's bradley. he deals weed."
[ laughter ] it's seriously going to get to the point where criminals are going to be on their phones just like, "we're going to stab that guy now." "tweet." [ laughter ] it's gonna happen. i like, i like updating my facebook status we all have those friends that do it with a little too much information, you know what i'm talking about? i'm not making this one up, i saw one recently. it said "adam is sad and not sure if he's going to make it through the night." [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] yeah. feel the awkwardness "late night." that's real. somebody put their cry for help on facebook. i didn't know what to do. i poked him. i was like "come on." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "let's play farmville!" weird.
technology is weird. it's always been a dream of mine to go into an amish neighborhood with a portable dvd player. [ laughter ] just go up to an amish kid and show him "star wars" like, "this is happening!" and just run away. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] like, "this is real out there!" ha-ha-ha bushes, nightfall. he's like, "ah, i could have a 'millennium falcon.'" back to the butter. [ laughter ] i live here in new york city. i like living in new york. one of my favorite things about living in new york -- there's so many people -- so much happening at any hour that it's impossible to tell if your apartment's haunted. [ light laughter ] let that sink in. it's true. you can hear anything at any hour. there's always a reasonable explanation. it could be midnight. there's someone walking around moaning with chains. [ laughter ] like, "ah, old man rosenthal out
for one of his kinky midnight chain walks." [ laughter ] it can be anything. the walls can be on fire. things flying around the room, windows breaking. it's like, "puerto rico won." [ laughter ] back to bed. back to bed. i'm not racist, but do you think at the very first meeting of the kkk anyone pushed for the correct spelling of klan? [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] just some guy in the back with a torch. it's driving him crazy like -- [ laughter ] "kkc." [ laughter ] and they get him -- they're going to get them for that. no way they're not getting him. i just like the idea of a guy who hates bad spelling and people who are different. [ laughter ] i have a terrible memory. anybody else have a terrible memory? [ scattered cheers ] stupid. i've got a terrible memory, yet
i have friends who have amazing memories who tell me stories that start like this. they go, "when i was 3" -- then they tell a story with details. like, "i was trolloping in the yard. the grass was wet. my dad was shaving and complaining about carter. august 18th, 1979, the first time i saw a blue jay." [ light laughter ] i'm stuck on 3, 3. who remembers 3? i remember nothing. i remember like two sounds and a color from 3. [ laughter ] i remember panic. "christmas!" and then i was 17. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much, everybody. that is my time. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: pete holmes, everybody! nice job, pete holmes, great job, pal. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: my thanks to betty white, oliver platt, pete holmes! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in