tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS September 6, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
at the resort. >> at the lazy river? >> well, thank you so much for watching. the late show with stephen colbert is coming up ne. captioning sponsored by cbs >> a big win for former president donald trump. a federal judge says a special master must be appointed to review documents discovered in mar-a-lago. >> judge aileen cannon, a trump appointee, granted the former president's request. >> some legal experts are calling the judge's ruling "deeply problematic." >> this order, i think everyone agrees, is flawed. the judge here in florida has created something of a mess. ♪ ♪ ♪
city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) (♪ theme song playing ♪) >> stephen: hey! welcome, welcome. oh! age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: have a good season. >> louis: nice season! >> stephen: have a good season. have a good season. have a good season. have a good season. have a good season. season, have a good season happy tuesday, hey, everybody. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. down there, up there, oh my goodness. sit down! you're too nice. welcome, welcome ladies and gentlemen, please, please,
please. welcome one and all in here, out there, to the late show. i'm your host, stephen colbert. and rewhere back, baby after a three week hiatus, and it was magical. i went on vacation, taylor swift announced a new album, harry styles did not spit on me, and the walls started closing in on former president darth traitor. turns out, stashing top secret government documents in the basement of your country club is, to use some technical jargon, "super illegal." allegedly. since the f.b.i. obtained a search warrant for mar-a-lago at the beginning of august, the d.o.j. has been building a pretty strong case against the former president. which might be why, as a stalling tactic, he filed a motion requesting a "special master" to review the documents
seized by federal agents. i got to say, "special master" actually sounds kind of kinky. (deep voice) "you will address me as special master, and you will submit... your motion to dismiss no later than 3:00 p.m. friday. now beg for my oversight." normally, the purpose of a special master is to go through all the documents and determine which ones are relevant to the case and which might be protected by something like attorney-client privilege. but, given the national security implications here, most legal minds assumed a judge woldn't do anything to hinder the investigation. but yesterday, federal judge aileen cannon granted the former president's request to appoint a special master, and barred the justice department from using the seized materials for any "investigative purpose" until the work was completed. but that's going to slow everything down, aileen!
you know the old saying: "justice delayed is just what he wants because he just needs time to shred the evidence." perhaps most bizarrely, cannon's -- this how you do it? >> you're good, you're good. perhaps most bizarrely, cannon's ruling orders the special master to look out for documents potentially shielded by executive privilege. but, he's not the executive anymore! joe biden is. so he doesn't have any privilege here! that's like saying to a bad cop, "all right, you're fired. give me your badge and gun. but, you can keep the car. we know you love the siren." and you can keep the gun. judge cannon appears to be giving the former president special treatment. as part of her logic, she writes that "as a function of plaintiff's former position as president of the united states, the stigma associated with the subject seizure is in a league
of its own." yes, forget "no one is above the law." this president is in a league of his own. just ask tom hanks: >> there's no laws in mar-a-lago. delayed but very quick. (applause) >> stephen: this decision is bonkers. and don't take it from me. here's a sample of reactions from the legal community. >> this decision is quite unmoored from practicality. >> this is a legally wrong decision. >> the judge is basically making this up as she goes along. >> it's factually incoherent or factually naive in a number of respects. >> the defense is wrong! is wrong, the defense is wrong. >> stephen: so, why is judge cannon going so far out on this very stupid legal limb? i don't know, maybe because she
was appointed by the former president, and confirmed just days after the presidential election in november 2020. so, she's a brand new judge who was handpicked by the guy doing the crimes, to preside over the jurisdiction that includes the place where he was committing the crimes. that's like if the head ref at the super bowl was tom brady's dad. "pass interference: defense. first down: my beautiful boy." so strong. so beautiful. (applause) it's not like the justice department didn't give the judge a preview of how dumb her decision would be. last week, they filed a 36-page response full of juicy details about what they found: more than 100 documents with classification markings, including 18 marked top secret, 54 secret, and 31 confidential.
("12 days of christmas") "and the nuke codes for the saudis!" -- why would the saudis wanter the nukes, why would the saudis, why would they want the nukes. contrary to what the former president claims, secret documents were found all over mar-a-lago, including the former president's office. look at that carpet! it's the second-worst presidential rug i've ever seen. thank you, thank you. bear in mind, the former president was keeping highly-sensitive material at a club that hosts weddings, galas, and other large events, where outsiders are common and many employees, as well as some visitors, are foreign nationals. yes! and instead of a mint on their pillow, some mar-a-lago guests receive an origami swan. the government also told the judge how many attempts they made to get the classified
material back voluntarily, pointing out that the former president's lawyer, christina bobb, turned over 38 classified documents and then signed a statement swearing that, after a thorough search, no other classified material was found in the storage area. but, then, "explicitly prohibited government personnel from opening or looking inside any of the boxes that remained in the storage room." i don't know why they were suspicious. the boxes were clearly marked "christmas stuff." -- the feds also recovered documents related to the use of "clandestine human sources" in intelligence gathering. that means lists of our secret operatives in foreign governments! why would he have those? is he writing a new spy thriller? "tinker, tailor, soldier, woman, man, camera, tv."
almost as disturbing as what the f.b.i. found is what they didn't find, because "43 empty folders with classified banners were taken from a box or container at the office, along with an additional 28 empty folders labeled as 'return to staff secretary' or military aide." his defenders have said "see? some of those folders are empty! nothin' wrong with that!" how true. same way finding condoms in your wife's purse is upsetting, but finding empty condom wrappers in your wife's purse is fine. (applause)
while the ex-president feels the walls closing in, joe biden has been riding high. he passed his big climate bill, gas prices are dropping, and this weekend, he found a quarter behind his grandson's ear. okay, with all joe's momentum, or "moment-joe," he's hitting the trail with a fall campaign message: "the republicans who keep acting like fascists, are acting kind of like fascists." he kicked it off at a fundraiser in maryland, when he said, "it's not just the ex-president. it's the entire philosophy that underpins the-- i'm going to say something-- it's like semi-fascism." some people think that's the wrong thing to say. and i agree. semi? it's not like they tried to overthrow the election a lil' bit. last week, biden emphasized the threat facing our democracy in a primetime address, delivered from, i want to say...
skeletor's house? red whites, pull out strks rid white and blue, it's fine. it was an urgent and prescient warning that our democracy is in on the edge of deaths. so, naturally, the three main broadcast networks declined to carry the speech, instead showing "law & order," "young sheldon," and "press your luck." which is basically what america is playing with all these authoritarian candidates. no fascist, no fascist, no fascist!
grongler! yesterday, biden went to wisconsin to deliver his anti-maga warning, and he noticed a heckler in the audience. >> by the way-- (man shouting) all right. god love ya! let him go. let him go. (audience booing) no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. don't-- let him-- let him go. let him-- he's-- look, everybody is entitled to be an idiot. (applause) no, no. everybody is entitled. okay? >> stephen: "no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let him go. everyone's entitled to be an idiot. a ding-dong dumbdingler. a regular chicken-spined gingersnap. a real no-taffy galoot! excuse my french. and every idiot is entitled to meet me behind the bleachers after this speech so i can introduce them to my two friends: 'no joke,' and 'i mean it, folks'."
no, no, no, no, no, no. no, no. you know what that means. in his speech, biden tried out some new names for these dangerous, anti-democratic forces. >> maga republicans. the extreme right. the-- the "trumpies." >> stephen: by which he means the former president's enablers, not to be confused with the award show of the same name. without have a great show, my guests are my guests are msnbc's alex wagner, and "the daily show's" roy wood, jr. but when we come back, are the robots coming for your jobs? yes. stick around.
welcome back. give it up for the band, louis cato and the late show band, everybody. good to see y'all. >> good to see you, man. >> stephen: good to see you folks tonight. i missed y'all. >> missed you too, man. good to be back. >> stephen: it's lovely. this was-- please have a seat, thank you so much. i missed that energy. it was nice to have all this time off. we had a really nice long summer break. anybody do anything fun over the break over there. >> i did the tiny desk, with npr's tiny desk with my band. >> stephen: i can go watch that now, right, can can watch it now. that's fantastic. i went to-- where the ladies wear no pants, so i heard, you know what, i went to french bull fighting and in france they don't hurt the bull. >> that's cool. >> stephen: like they do in
spain, in france they have bull races where guys get in the ring with bulls and run away from the bull, if that is the support, sport, i'm a natural. alex wagner, msnbc's alex wagner will be out here in a moment. and very funny man, very funny man from the daily show, roy wood, jr. so stick around for that. folks, as you know, i am a massive tech head. i'm so tech-savvy, i just invested all my bitcoins in google glass. oh, it's going to happen! and i like to tell you all about the latest in tech, in my segment, "cyborgasm."
first up in the c.b.-gaz, "snapchat is rolling out an option to let parents see who their teens are messaging." should go smoothly. "hey, son. can you show me how to use the app-shop to get the chat-snap? i just want to spy on ya. wait, who is 'apple i.d.' and how does he have our credit card number?" next up, word is that "scientists have developed a small robot to understand how ants teach one another," using the robot to learn how "an ant that has discovered a much better new nest can teach the route there to another individual." the final step will be convincing the dad ants to actually use those directions. "nope, we're taking the rotten twig past the old cheerio. there's no way it's busy this time of day-- aw, man! a leaf? and everyone's slowing down to look at the leaf!
hey, guys, we've all seen leaves!" they made a tiny robot to lead a real ant along the route, "the pupil ant learns the route sufficiently well that it can find its own way back home, and then lead another ant to the new nest, and so on." same way humans learn the location of costco samples. "take a left at the kirkland batteries, past the canoes, and it's a paradise of teriyaki meatballs! go! i must tell the others!" next up, italy's got a new "bartending robot that makes drinks and remembers what you like." it has large robotic arms extending from a "torso" dressed in a vest and a bowtie, with a monitor-based "face" that sits on top, all of which looks like
this. and, that's hard pass. i don't want this thing to remember anything about me. next up, "restaurant robots are coming to new jersey." so far, "wing zone and white castle are investing in robotics." great. maybe next they'll invest in food. chipotle has also developed a robot named "chippy," which cooks and seasons chipotle's chips with salt and fresh lime juice. with one exec explaining the move, saying "it started with, 'how do we remove some of the dreariness of a worker standing at the fryer, and frying chip basket after chip basket'?" well, this should fix it. "hey, everyone! 'vy to working for us not feel like a soul-destroying pit of despair. we'll have an emotionless robot take away your jobs!
why's everyone crying? why is everyone crying? the robots don't cry. we'll be right back with msnbc's alex wagner. cvs is pretty...flex. wanna schedule one online while prepping dinner? gravy. avoid the wait by scheduling for you... ...or the whole crew. or, if you prefer to just pop in? do you. and if you wanna even tack on a covid-19 booster to your flu shot, feel free! and speaking of free? our flu shots are...well...free. really? yes, really. healthier is getting a flu shot on your schedule. cvs. healthier happens together. ay yo! check this axe with 48-hour protection! ♪♪ ♪press the button right there♪ ♪to let the doors in♪ ♪go hard all year,♪
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>> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back. my first guest tonight is a journalist you know from showtime's "the circus." she's now hosting "alex wagner tonight" on msnbc. please welcome back to "the late show," alex wagner! (cheers and applause) all right. >> okay. >> stephen: so nice to see you again. >> it is so nice to be back gesh. >> stephen: i always enjoyed talking with you over on the kir circus and now you have your own gig, i'm glad are you my first guest after being off for a few weeks in the summer, so lay out the parts, did i miss anything? >> it's been a lot of search
warrants and swimsuits. it's been an exciting -- >> stephen: poolside of mar-a-lago. >> you know how it is in august, the season of special masters. >> stephen: don't go too far. >> yeah. >> stephen: this is cbs. >> just right up to the line. >> stephen: this is cbs. the judge, so let's talk about this. this judge aileen cannon who was appointed by the former president and confirmed after he lost. >> he lost. >> stephen: okay. >> and he did lose. >> stephen: he did lose. and the judge just happened to be jurisdiction happens to include mar-a-lago which is fascinating. >> coincidence? >> stephen: yes, she granted the request for a special master. >> she did. scial master, like what is this person supposed to be doing. >> apart from the very and quaited term the special mast certificate someone who san independent arbiter who is in this case going to look over potential claims of privilege which is to say attorney client
privilege or more controversially executive privilege and there are 11,000 documents we are talking about here, stephen, that have been seized since the beginning of august. >> stephen: so are they going to have to go beige by page or just like these have the thing on the top that says supersecret don't ever take home. >> this one has yellow top secret don't touch donald trump. no, it is going to take, if we go forward, if the justice department doesn't appeal this, this is going to take a long time. i mean by the way, because first you have to decide on who the special master or mistress is and you can imagine there is alot of sun light between the doj and the trump legal team on this, right. >> stephen: but they have to come to a mutually agreed upon person. >> yes. >> stephen: so his lawyers have to agree with the doj's lawyers about what constitutes as a neutral arbiter. >> yes, in theory. >> stephen: you could have-- it will never have. >> we want rudy giuliani, we
want barack obama. it is impossible to imagine a scenario, and then that person also by the way has to have to have top secret classified security clearance. >> stephen: that is the craziest part of this, that i love is that they keep saying it is all unclassified, declassified everything. >> abracadabra. >> stephen: you know, everybody-- olly olly-- all. >> all the things. >> stephen: all de classified but when his lawyer as plied for the special master, they say they have to be someone of high security clearance because this is all classified. >> admitting that none of it is classified. part of the reason that the classification, the declassification is so rigorous is because trump when he was president would tweet out declassification like abracadabra, have i declassified these documents via twitter and basically behind the scenes the doj had to work to ensure you couldn't actually declassified things by twitter because the press was like if it is declassified we want it too. so the system by which things
were declassified which really tightened under trump because of donald trump. and now here we have the harvest of donald trump's ininsannity right back on his own plate. >> stephen: oh, okay, so. >> so your earlier question, this could take a long time, this could take a very long time because if the special master f they show find the wizard who has the top secret clear ant that both parties agree to that person then has to review 11,000 documents, we are headed toward the mid-term elections starting november. all this investigating is supposed to happen outside of the political calender. and then, you know, we're talking about 11,000 documents that both sides could not agree that some of those documents are privileged. >> stephen: the special mationer gets to decide. >> but you can appeal the special master's de significants. >> stephen: so it is a great clock gobbler. >> it could take years, it could gobble years, depending on what the special master does. so far the doj set aside 500 documents that they say are
privileged. the special master has 11,000 tho choose from. if this person is particularly aggressive or not aggressive enough either trump or the doj could appeal it my sense is the doj would like to wrap this up quickly but you know donald trump loves nothing more than a delay. >> stephen: there is also, it has been, the idea has been put out there that the doj should really based on this evidence, they're not allowed to do anything based on thefd, the judge said, based on this evidence they should go to bedminster, look at kid home, trump po tower because why just be mar-a-lago, he has stuff stashed everywhere, that makes sense because the clock gob eming is important because it gives a chance allegedly to destroy the rest of the evidence, doesn't it. >> this is someone who had 40 empty folders that were marked classified, right. and that is just at trump to ker-- sorry, just at mar-a-lago. who knows where everything. is the stuff was mixed in with
his pass ports and an old shoe ang rain coat and raze esch blade, i'm not even making up that. that was literally stuff in the boxing that he gave back to the department of justice. >> stephen: why would a former president have three passports. >> i mean at this stage i want three passports because who knows how this all turns out. >> stephen: new zealand seems nice. >> canada is great in the summer. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break, please stick around. we're right back with more with msnbc's alex wagner, everybody. raise the jar to all five layers. raise the jar to the best gelato... you've ever tasted. talenti. raise the jar. ♪ ♪ this... is a glimpse into the no-too-distant future of lincoln. ♪ ♪ it's what sanctuary could look like... feel like... sound like... even smell like. more on that soon. ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: hey, everybody, we're back with msnbc's alex wagner. >> that's me. >> stephen: now you have heard, obvious least if these are the documents that the doj says they are, there is no excuse for having them. the law is pretty clear from what i have been told. but have you heard in your reporting anybody, any ally, any water carrier for the former president explaining why he would have them? even putting up a theory of why he would have them? >> i mean listen, again this is the jump into the dark hole that is donald trump mind chamber and i'm not sure anybody, i'm not sure there is a specific reason other than this guy a say hoarder, this is someone, and i don't mean like a clinical hoarder but you know, he likes squirreling away stuff he thinks is interesting, whether st shaquille o'neal basketball shoe
or love letter from kim jung-un, i'm not making thup, this is real stuff, some could be the impulse of taking momentum. he also has run his business like a crime sinned cat and maybe this was leverage, a way for him to get back at potential enemies or maybe leverage for future business dealings. i mean who knows, maybe it was none of it but through all of this he never answered the very simple question, why did you take the stuff and why won't you give it back. >> stephen: the second dumbest thing that he did other than like by the way you have a special master has to have clearance, is the second dumbest thing is to say that he knew that it was orveg for him to have them because he declassified them. that is admitting that he knew he had them. >> yes. >> stephen: soo they noa his state of mind. he knew. >> he knew he had them. >> stephen: he had these things. and the mishandling of documents is a crime for which he called for the death penalty for people.
>> oh, i mean, look, dot rule as plie to him? >> stephen: i'm not saying-- i don't believe in the death penalty, that is not the case i'm not saying death penalty, i don't believe in it. but he said that about julian a sang and snowden. >> first when the photo came out of the documents splaid out on the floor, he didn't say i never had those documents. he said i didn't leave them in that condition. i had them in-- i had them in cartons like i am not messy. like the last bin in my smeu closet, nicely stacked. he didn't say that part but he did insist he kept these records he shouldn't have had in the first place very neatly stored. and yes, he could very well, i mean other people have gone to jail for this. >> stephen: so given that we don't, no one ever knows what is going to happen anywhere but there is a lot of, you know, very graph el covered very narrow dangerous cliffs forward for america, does that make you more or less excited to have yir own television show. >> you noarks if it is all
ending i might as well be on tv talking about it live, like as we all fall off the cliff together it is an exciting time to be a journalist. it is a distressing time to be an american. >> stephen: what can we expect at 9 p.m. on msnbc tuesday through friday what is the alex wagner show going to be like. >> it is, we will-- rachel maddow has done an amazes and important thing in that hour and i hope to carry through some of the rigor and intelligence and the humor and the joi devive she has for the topic that is something i hope to carry threus through friday. but also different sturvetion i was on the circus, will you see stuff on the field, i think news happens outside of the corridor and i hope to take our viewers to places they don't often see and at the center of the heated debates we're having in the country. >> stephen: alex, thank you very much for being here. >> thank you, stephen. >> stephen: good to see you begin, a "alex wagner tonight" airs tuesdays through fridays on
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not homeless funding. 90% of the profits go to out-of-state corporations permanently. only pennies on the dollar for the homeless permanently. and with loopholes, the homeless get even less permanently. prop 27. they didn't write it for the homeless. they wrote it for themselves. >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back. folks, you know my next guest as a stand-up comedian, and a correspondent on "the daily show."
his new film is "confess, fletch." so what do we know. >> think we're going to tell you. >> living in allston with two roommates worked at a cambridge cafe as a bar resta? >> we're telling you. >> pursuing a career in the art world. >> well, i either just walked into a frameup or somebody from my past is trying to get revenge on me. >> what if it is you. >> i did put quite a few prominent people away when i was a reporter at the news tribune in los angeles. >> i looked into your criminal record. >> and. >> bad check charge. two contempt of court charges. a number of nonpayment of alimony charges. >> 100% of most of those were dismissed. >> stephen: >> stephen: please welcome back to "the late show," roy wood jr!
>> yeah. nice to see you again. >> stephen: good to see you, i will start out apropos of nothing. are you taller than i think when you come here. >> because on its daily show trevor be making my chair short. >> stephen: does he do that thing where his hair chair is higher than everybody else's. >> yeah, but it's good, i'm glad to be working, black man on the first day of a new job. >> stephen: killing it. absolutely killing it tonight. >> that is a new job smile, i know, that i recognize the new job smile. >> stephen: last time you were here, it has been too long, it was 2018. >> ain't not a lot happened. >> stephen: how you have been. >> my life now is therapy and
multivitamins. in therapy or multivitamin can't solve t i don't know what i am going to do that has been my plan, because you know during the pandemic everybody started drugs and experimenting and i might circle back to crack but for now, multivitamins. you know what is really messed up about multivitamin stts ultimate in american laziness. st basically you don't want to-- if you took all the vitamins you will be-- i don't want to take all. give me a little bit of every vitamin in one vitamin and then i will take that vitamin. the. >> stephen: the ultimate laziness of america is if you just ate a [bleep] vegetable you wouldn't need any of the multivitamins. >> yeah, also that, also that. but it's been fun trying to figure all this stuff out, all these new concoction coxs and stuff coming out during the pandemic. i don't know what an elderberry is. what is that. >> stephen: you can make wine from it i know elderberry wine, you can do that.
>> i went to school, i thought we quoferred all the berries. straw, rasp, blue, et cetera. >> black. >> of course, how did i forget black. but elder just came out of nowhere. like. >> stephen: it is older than the other berries. what more do you need to know. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: you like the therapy because i'm a big fan of therapy. >> yeah, it's been-- to pay someone moneyee and your circle is also not paying people money. all therapy do is show you everybody in your life not going therapy and show you become their therapist, like you start using the tricks you learned. you know-- you need to define your attachment style and unpack
that. oh also i apologize there say rasp. >> i'm sorry, were you at a strip club with-- when? wrdges a week or so. >> stephen: about a week or so, why would your throat be raspy after going to a strip club? >> i can't be telling it you everything, man. i qubt tell you everything. >> stephen: i have never been invited into that room. >> first step is to get on t payne's podcast and then you are just out in public at random times, t payne appears and goes, and then he-- . >> stephen: are you in lie high and he just found ou or do you go to high toy to go to this event. >> no, we were both doing shows in hawaii, we were both cool, so he came to the show. he said where you want to go and
>> stephen: well, yesterday was labor day, you got your own podcast called boys job fair where you talk to the regular folks out there. about different industries, about their jobs, why did you want to do that? >> i did morning radio in birmingham for ten years and learned a thing through the 9:00 hour t was listeners, working somewhere, tiring, call our show and tell us so that people who are unemployed will know t was kind of like an audible craigslist, and so when the pandemic hit and unemployment rised i was trying to figure out a way to do that and the station in birmingham had already fired me so that wasn't an option. so podcasting we go. and it's been great. you learn about so many different things. all the way to school teachers and students, and what started
as something that was just a legitimately help people to know they are not alone in their employment journey has turned into something where just a community of people call in and just share what they are doing and it might be something that you want to dovmentd i think for as long as we live in a world where we know we are not alone and struggling, maybe can make it to tomorrow. that is what the broadcasts are. >> stephen: that is some therapy right there. >> that is therapy, yeah. >> stephen: all right. you have a six year old son, this is back to school week, after labor day. i would assume your boy is going into first grade. >> yeah, get him out of the house. >> stephen: how is that going. >> get out of the house. it is bittersweet because these moments with children when they are 6, 7, 8, for me at least, i know these are the last moments as a father that i will be able to help him with his homework, and i know that eventually i'm just going to have to say
good-bye. that is why i'm kind of rooting for crt and all that stuff. take that stuff out of the history books so he will graduate at age nine, they are taking history out of the books, starting to take science out of the books, at this point a high school grad will be 11 years old f you take science all together out the books, i sign me up. >> stephen: you have some science credentials here because i saw, we got this here, roy wood ex-jedi twitter handle, 6th grade, i forgot the science fair was next day, 10 p.m. in a panic i find a loaf of molded bread my pops forgot to throw out, made a study on mold, moisture and air, got second place in the school, fifth in the city, bread so moldy i was praised for conducting weeks of research. z. >> you're welcome. win is win. >> stephen: when did people
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>> stephen: well, folks, that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be gayle king and tony dokoupil from "cbs mornings." stick around for james corden. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready, y'all to have some fun ♪ i'm not singing in key ♪ i will continue to sing on this ♪ because it feels like it's part of the late late sh