tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC February 25, 2011 3:05am-4:00am PST
-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice. oh, the energy. i love this new york city crowd. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody! here we are in studio 6b in new york city with you guys. it's going to be fun. you guys, new york city has gone 14 days without any measurable snowfall. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, kids are back to making good ol' fashion garbage angels. [ laughter ] some big music news, you guys. paris hilton revealed that she's releasing a new album in the next few months. [ scattered cheers and boos ] man, i can wait to hear that. [ laughter ] did you see this? bill clinton revealed this week that he only sent two e-mails while he was president.
[ light laughter ] and then he added -- [ imitates bill clinton ] "it turns out those pills are just a scam." [ laughter ] get this, a man in florida was arrested for hitting a guy with a bo flex machine he was selling. it's weird. you imagine a guy with a bo flex would just think about hitting the guy and never actually do it for like months and then abandon the thought altogether. but he did it. he actually did it. check this out, you guys. a video game developer asked his girlfriend to marry him in the video game minecraft. yeah, it was really cute. they even know what they are going to play for the first dance. ♪ [ super mario bros theme plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: then the party got really crazy. ♪ [ super mario bros theme
plays ] [ cheers and applause ] "grandma, get up here! grandma, come on up! go crazy! come on!" ties around the side of my head. this isn't good, you guys. a man in colorado dropped an engagement ring down a sewer drain while he was proposing to his girlfriend. yeah, it's too bad, because up until then, everything was going well with his marriage proposal on a sewer. [ laughter ] i just saw this, a new study found that a first kiss is more memorable than the first sexual encounter. i guess because that's when you first think it might lead to a sexual encounter. [ laughter ] and finally, this is cool. a company in japan is holding the world's first marathon for robots.
i'm not sure who is going to win, but my money is on the robots from kenya! [ laughter ] ladies and gentleman, we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we have such a fun show tonight. an amazing actor. i love this guy. he's so good. i asked for the true-coat, you've not going to get the true-coat. he's currently starring in the showtime series "shameless," the great william h. macy is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i hear that car over there. genius. we have a very, very funny guy, hilarious, michael showalter is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's going to talk about his new book. he has a new book out called "mr. funny pants. and we have a great new stand-up comedian making his television debut here tonight, dan st. germain is here. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be good.
you like new people. it's going to be a fun, fun show. you guys, it's thursday. it's time to remix the clips. here we go. now, this is -- this is where we take stuff we found on the internet and tv, stuff that's funny, weird, or interesting, and have our very own questlove remix it right there. it's really fun. our first clip comes from one of my favorite shows out there right now. "the bachelor." anybody watching "the bachelor"? [ applause ] it may be hard to know who brad has connection with, but one thing for sure, brad is scared. [ laughter ] "i'm just scared." and these women are scared. everybody is scared, apparently. take a look. >> you're scaring me. you're scaring me badly. >> i'm freaking out. >> i've been so terrified, but now i'm scared. >> scares me to death. >> you're scaring me though. >> i'm just terrified. >> well, i'm scared.
>> i'm a little worried about that. >> i'm scared to death. >> it scares me a little bit. >> it's just scary. >> really scared. >> i'm a little scared. >> that's scary. >> scared of you. >> scary. >> you scared me a little bit. >> and i'm scared to death. >> i'm scared. >> scared out of my mind. >> it terrifies me. >> i'm scared, it scares me a little bit. i'm worried. please, please help me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is so scary about "the bachelor"? "i'm a little scared." all right. now we have a couple kid videos. this first one is an epic dance battle. i can't pick a winner because both of these guys have awesome moves. check it out. he challenge you to dance off. go, go. >> fight! [ laughter ] ooh, he's good. all right, when you're done, tell me. >> done. you're turn, go.
>> all right, jack time. ooh. he likes fight dancing. uh-oh. >> he's supposed to be crumping. >> mack-out. >> ooh, he's crumping. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's crumping. that kid is awesome. i love it when he goes, just tell me when you're done. he goes, i'm done. [ laughter ] all right, it took two seconds. this last video, it's just oh, man, it's the great moment. a dad and his son playing with a giant inflatable globe. it's really fun, right? it's cute. well it is for a while. and then this happens. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: he's okay. he's okay. he's okay. whoa. only a kid could go horizontal off the ground with that one. so those are the -- those are the three clips we have today. questlove, let's see what you can do with them, buddy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ fight dancing fight dancing ♪ ♪ fight, fight, fight, fight fight, fight dancing ♪ ♪ scared that's scary scared of you that's scary ♪ ♪ scared of you scary that's scary
scared of you ♪ ♪ scary that's scary scared of you scary ♪ ♪ that's scary scared of you scary that's fight dancing ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. give it up for questlove, everybody! that's what i'm talking about. we'll be right back with more "late night." stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: oh, you've caught me. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show, everybody! oh, man. welcome back. syour honor. do you feel that? ♪ dusk has fallen. blackness of the night sky permeated only by the pinpricks of light that we call stars. the chill winds whisper sweet nothings on the nap of darkness' slender neck. distant hoof-beats. betray the strange feeling that there's nothing out there. but at this hour, the world has frozen in time. this can only mean one thing. it's time to play my favorite new game, "wax on, wax off!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪
welcome to wax on, wax off. it's a trivia game where for every correct answer you get $100, for every incorrect answer you get a portion of your chest hair waxed off. [ laughter ] let's meet tonight's lucky contestant. come on in. ♪ nice to see you my man. >> same here. >> jimmy: what is your name and where are you from? >> phil keaz from norwalk, connecticut. >> jimmy: hey, welcome phil. nice to see you, buddy. [ laughter ] now, you know the rules. i'll ask you a series of questions. you get it wrong, courtney here will apply hot wax to your chest and then violently rip out a strip of your hair. [ laughter ] don't worry, she's a licensed cosmetologist, i think. now, there is one twist. you don't get to answer the questions. you're going to have to rely on a little help from your friend
that came out here with you tonight. how are you doing buddy? >> what's going on? good to see you. ricky? >> yes. >> where are you from? >> norwalk, connecticut. >> jimmy: you've from connecticut as well. how do you know this guy? >> we've been buddies since elementary school. >> jimmy: very cool. welcome all right, this is going to be fun. you'll be answering questions for him. so his fate rests entirely in your hands. how good at trivia are you? >> pretty decent, i think. >> jimmy: all right. very, very good. well -- >> i'm not ken jennings but -- >> jimmy: best of luck. remember, it's very easy. answer correctly and your friend doesn't have to get his chest waxed. all right? >> sounds good. >> jimmy: simple enough. let's take a look at tonight's category. we've got latvian prime ministers. [ laughter ] 13th century south american architecture. [ laughter ] much ado about quantum mechanics. [ laughter ] you'll notice, quantum mechanics is in quotes. moving on, the 1520s. [ laughter ] other lesser-known latvian prime ministers. [ laughter ] and, of course, potpourri. [ laughter ]
feeling good about these categories? >> yes, definitely. >> jimmy: all right, he's feeling good. all right, let's get started. as per the rules of the game, i will be choosing the categories for you. [ laughter ] so, let's start off with latvian prime ministers. ready? here we go. this founder of the latvian farmers union was elected in 1918 and was later succeeded by zigfried anna meierovics. audience, no helping. it's all riding on you, what do you think? >> i'm going to say who is president obama. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> that's not good. [ laughter ] >> and you went to college, that's what you got? >> jimmy: sorry. we were looking for ulmanis. karlis ulmanis. [ laughter ] a very famous latvian prime minister. not president barack obama. that's not correct. well, you know what that means. courtney, let's wax that chest! ♪
ooh, that's hot. >> oh man. >> oh, gosh. >> jimmy: rip it! [ cheers and applause ] oh my gosh. how does that feel? is it all right? >> it hurts. >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right, all right. okay. hey, rocky start. rocky start. you can make up for it on this next question. let's see what i'm going to choose here. 13th century south american architecture. let's take a look at that question. according to a historian graziano gasparini, incan stonemasonry was influenced by this pre-columbian archeological site located in modern day bolivia. don't over think it. [ laughter ] >> so it's a site right? >> jimmy: yep. >> where is brazil? [ buzzer ]
♪ brazilian wax. >> jimmy: we were looking for tiwanaku. >> oh, oh. >> tiwanaku located off the eastern shore of lake titicaca. [ laughter ] okay, courtney, let's wax that chest! ♪ >> jimmy: breathe in and breathe out. rip it. >> ow. >> jimmy: that was good. that was a pretty good one there. that was a clean tear. >> got some chunks. >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. you're 0-2 so far. are you feeling better about this next one? ♪ oh, you know what that sound means? it's time for double trouble. [ laughter ] >> that's not good for me. >> jimmy: i'll ask you a question. you answer correctly and you get a whopping $200. but answer incorrectly, and he gets two waxed off. all right, it's okay.
it's an easy one. the category is, it's easy. it is numbers. >> okay. >> jimmy: here's the question. i'm thinking of a number between 1 and 1,000. [ laughter ] what number am i thinking of? >> 396. >> jimmy: 396, okay. your answer is locked in. however, since this is double trouble, you may be having second thoughts right here and i'm going to give you a second chance. the chance is to change your answer if you want. it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. i strongly suggest you take it. >> i'll take it. >> jimmy: what will you be changing -- what will you be changing your answer to? >> 737. [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: it was 396. [ laughter ] you were right the first time. >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: should have stuck with your gun on that one. should have stuck with your gut on that one. that was rough. courtney -- >> sorry phil.
>> jimmy: -- wax that chest, twice! ♪ that's enough. that's going to be a rough one there. that's going to be a tough one. yeah. yeah, that's a good one there. it's all right. >> don't get the nipple. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: before you do that, i want to show someone real quick, look at this thing. >> i hope you donate that to the hair club. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, rip it! ♪ rip it. that's a good one. >> what's going on? >> jimmy: it's all right. that's a tough one. that's a tough one. it's hard to rip with all of that sweat -- all the sweat on your chest there. sadly, we only have time for one more clue but, you've played valiantly so far but you haven't won any cash and your friend has had half of his chest hair ripped off. this is your chance to make up that! the remaining categories are the
much to do about quantum mechanics, 1520s, other lesser-known latvian prime ministers and potpourri. i'm just going to go easy on you here and select potpourri. okay? [ cheers ] this could be any category. let's see what the category of potpourri is. ♪ [ laughter ] lucky break. lucky break, you almost had to answer a sports or music question. here we go. this is for all of the marbles/chest hair. let's see the clue. he's the current prime minister of latvia. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: it's an easy one. >> uh -- man, sorry phil. >> jimmy: come on, don't be sorry. this will be good. phil looks confident, you look confident. just go with it. >> that dumo black? [ buzzer ]
♪ no. so, sorry we're looking for a valdis dombrovskis. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: okay, once more. let's wax that chest! ♪ right for the nipple yay! [ laughter ] a little nipple love there. and rip it! guys, i'm so sorry you both lost. how are you feeling? >> i'm ready for the beach. >> jimmy: all right, very good. no one goes home empty-handed. steve, what will they be taking home? >> well, jimmy, they'll be each taking home these stylish led zeplin t-shirts where the "l" has fallen off as well as this 24-pack of nads-brand hair removal strips to finish the job. go nads! >> jimmy: there you go. enjoy those prizes. thanks for playing "wax on, wax off." we'll be right back with william h. macy everybody!
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a complete adult multivitamin in a gummy... with ingredients to support energy, immunity, and your inner child. ♪ one a day vitacraves. multivitamin gummies... for grown-ups. but it wasn't what i wanted to do, and i thought, i don't want to do this for the rest of my life i probably don't want to do it tomorrow. i told my dad, "i want to start a brewery." i told him, "i think you're crazy." i started sam adams with boston lager to make rich, flavorful beer. and he went and sold it one bottle at a time. no one had tried an american beer that had that kind of flavor. boston lager really was a groundswell. there's that saying, "do something you love "and you'll never work "a day in your life." i don't feel like i've worked for 24 years.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is an oscar nominee and emmy award winner who's starring as the drunk deadbeat dad in showtime's new series "shameless." take a look at what he does. >> what happened to you? >> a huge guy jumped me. 280. 290. -- who knows. >> good for him. >> i need your help. >> i got an 82 box. >> no, no. by show of hands, how many of ya at one point or another wanted to see me dead? yeah. here's your chance. >> jimmy: say hello to william h. macy!
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: william h. macy, welcome to our show. >> i'm pleased to be here. >> jimmy: welcome to our program. >> thank you. >> jimmy: your show is hilarious. >> it is funny, isn't it? >> jimmy: "shame" -- your character lives up too -- you are shameless. >> i am indeed. wait until you see where it's going too. it is outrageous. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is just nuts. is playing a drunk, is it fun? is it based on personal -- any past -- >> i was drunk once. >> jimmy: i'm assuming that, but i mean -- any benders in particular? you're like, "oh yeah, i've done" -- your character -- i mean -- >> i've been a pretty good drinker all my life. but one time i was doing a film in spain and i couldn't sleep. this is the worst i've ever been in public. i couldn't sleep. and this woman in the van, we were going back. it was a night shoot. she said, "i have a sleeping tablet." and i said, "please."
so she gave me -- they take their sleeping tablets a lot more seriously in spain apparently. all i know is i got to the desk, i had been waiting for this fax. it turns out that the fax had been there for two days and they hadn't told me. so i go to the guy and i said, "what's the matter with you? why didn't you give me the fax? this is important." but he was looking at me so oddly, i realized what he was saying was that i was saying -- [ mumbling ] and i said, "excuse me, excuse me. excuse me." and i made it on my hands and knees to the elevator. i barely made it to my room. >> jimmy: did you crawl into the elevator? >> i have no idea what this woman gave me. but that's about the most messed up in public i've ever been. >> jimmy: yeah. there's a funny scene where you are actually passed out and kids are just rummaging through your pockets getting loose change from you. >> it's shameless. >> jimmy: it really is shameless. it's great. you shoot in chicago, is that right? >> we shook at warner brothers and we go to chicago for two weeks each season -- >> jimmy: oh okay. okay. >> -- to do exteriors. we were in the -- we were in the blizzard. >> jimmy: oh man, they got killed, chicago. >> it was amazing. we shut down.
you know a lot of the press came out and said, "frank does all this terrible stuff," my character and "he never pays the price for it." well, frank paid for it in chicago i'll tell you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> through the macerations of the plot, i had run out of the house. the husband comes in the front door, no shoes, no shirt. seven degrees in chicago with a 20 mile an hour wind. i had four scenes to do. it was brutal. >> jimmy: yeah, you personally paid for that. yeah, yeah. maybe the character doesn't pay for it on the show, but -- >> character, bill, they're the same. >> jimmy: oh i know. totally. welcome back to actor studios you guys. [ light laughter ] you have a great cast. you have emmy rossum who was on our show. she's awesome. >> oh, fantastic. >> jimmy: joan cusack, who i love. she's probably my favorite actor in the world. she's so funny. she's great in every single thing she does. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love her. and there's a story of her -- >> i've known her forever, yeah. >> jimmy: is this true? >> it's my story and i'm sticking with it. >> jimmy: so you know, it's not necessarily true? >> i was -- i lived in chicago and the cusacks' lived across the street from the pivens'. byrne piven.
jeremy piven's father. and dick cusack was joan's father and they would hire me to do light carpentry. i don't know if it was charity. although, apparently there is still a set of shelves there that i built for the cusacks'. >> jimmy: no way. >> and she was a young girl. i think i baby sat them one time. >> jimmy: oh, my god. that's hilarious. >> and you saw the scene i did with her. >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> her father is rolling in his grave. >> jimmy: yeah. wow. that is really quit shameless. >> -- several toys. it was awful. >> jimmy: well, it's on showtime. yeah, yeah, you can do that stuff. we can't do it on nbc. >> no. >> jimmy: no, we tried. but you know what we also did on your show, i got say, julianna margulies was on our show. >> julianna. we love her. >> jimmy: she's so fun. and she said she goes to parties with you and your wife. you have these parties at your house. >> charades -- running charades. yes. >> jimmy: running charades. i can't play. i don't have enough friends, but you need a lot of friends for that. but then, this other game, it's called the instrument game. >> oh we did it for my birthday. it was a hoot. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you -- you have instruments that nobody knows how to play
and then songs that everybody knows and you match them up. you break up into teams and it's your teams job to figure out what song you're trying to play with an instrument you never picked up in your life. >> jimmy: would you want to play that game when we come back? >> oh boy. [ laughter ] sure. >> jimmy: let's hear this. "shameless" airs sunday's at 10 pm on showtime. when we come back, we're playing "the music game." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ sniffing ] ♪ [ sniffing ] [ all sniffing ] [ female announcer ] ever notice after a while you stop smelling your pluggable air freshener? there's a better way to get long lasting freshness. pull the plug on your old one and trade up to a free febreze noticeables. it's long lasting freshness in the febreze you plug right in. for freshness you'll notice week after week. find out how to get your free febreze noticeables at febrezetradeup.com.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we're back with the great william h. macy to play a game that you indirectly bought to us. and i really appreciate this. we've played this with a few guests and it's been super fun. ah, here's how it works. we have a bunch of instruments which neither of us have any real ability to play. and here we have a bunch of
super simple songs that none of us have seen yet, okay? and from here we'll pick one random instrument we'll be using to play the song on. we'll have 45 seconds to play the song and try to get the roots to guess what it is. questlove will answer for the band. we have one point for every song that gets correctly. best of five wins. william, you brought this to us. why don't you go first. >> pick the song first? >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> help me out. [ audience yelling ] oh, boy. >> jimmy: which one is this one? oh, the accordion. yes. [cheers and applause ] >> i think -- >> jimmy: there you go. >> i think -- >> jimmy: yeah, this -- bring it in front of the mike over here. let's see if we can hear it. >> it's not making any --
>> jimmy: that's good. that sounds great. [ light laughter ] okay. >> ready? >> jimmy: ready? 45 seconds. go. ♪ ♪ [ laughter and applause ] [ applause ] >> a little more. >> keep -- keep -- >> second verse? >> yeah, yeah. >> second verse. ♪ >> oh no wonder, the straps in the way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think that was -- ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: all right.
there we go. there was very, very nice. >> i almost had it. >> jimmy: -- very, very nice. questlove -- very, very nice. questlove, final answer? >> questlove: "she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes"? [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: nice try. what was it? for "he's a jolly good fellow." all right, here we go. audio? [ audience yelling ] seven, here we go. hmm, okay. i can't wait. oh boy. can you guys see what it was? >> yes we do. >> jimmy: okay, everyone sees it. i can't read it. -- okay. >> oh, you lucky guy. i wanted that one. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: ready? >> ready. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: start it. start it. oh, the clock's going. -- not yet and --
♪ ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: start again. start again. ready? start again. ready? start again fresh. ready? ♪ ♪ >> "heart and soul." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm so psyched he got that. owen, i love you buddy. that is the best. i'm so excited. >> he works -- he works for you. >> jimmy: he does. i know. but i didn't -- i don't plant them. i don't plant them. [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: someone somewhere keeps booing. they want -- really bad. >> look, i have accordion all over me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very -- that's the original al yankovic accordion. >> cello.
>> jimmy: all right. cello. ♪ i think you can use that thing, too. ♪ ♪ >> "sweet" -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: game on. it's game on now. that was good. that was fantastic. what do you think? [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: okay. >> do you know it? >> jimmy: maybe. oh man. okie doke. trombone. here we go. >> oh boy. >> jimmy: damon, any tips? >> -- stand -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not part of the trombone at all. all right, how's this slide -- this should be easier to move, right? is this is? >> there you go. >> jimmy: is there clip? ♪ ready? here we go. ♪ ♪ >> "happy birthday."
>> jimmy: "happy birthday!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> you can play it. >> jimmy: it's really good, yeah. [ audience yelling ] my kid got the trombone. oh, game on. this is good. >> oh cool. >> jimmy: this is rough. >> the didgeridoo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my god. can he change notes on that thing? i don't know even know how that sounds. yeah, take that thing out. that's not part of it. >> i'm guessing this end. >> jimmy: i don't know, to be honest. i just know that it sounds like -- ♪ >> jimmy: it sounds like someone dry heaving. >> you ready? [ laughter ] put it on. ♪ ♪ >> what? ♪ ♪
>> "london bridge is falling down." >> no, no. ♪ ♪ >> questlove: "mary had a little lamb." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what do you think? >> i thought it was -- >> jimmy: -- >> i thought it was "our future." >> no, no. ♪ ♪ >> looney tunes. [ audience yelling ] >> jimmy: last one. last one. [ audience yelling ] [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: oh boy. all right, what's the score here? can i win? >> two up, right? >> jimmy: two to two. this is for the win right here. mini harmonica. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's small. >> isn't not the size of the harmonica. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you very, very much. here we go.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to our show. >> it's so delightful to be here. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm very -- i'm -- i'm very formal tonight. >> jimmy: yeah, you look fantastic. thank you for dressing up. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: you look sharp. >> thank you. >> jimmy: now you are an o tour? >> i am an o tour. >> jimmy: yeah. >> as evidence by the title of my book, "mr. funny pants." >> jimmy: i like that it's very mangalore. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't have to read the whole thing from start to finish. you read little chapter here. >> yeah, you can read it a half a page at a time. but i mean it's -- [ light laughter ] it's like basically a book for my nephew. >> jimmy: yeah. >> nine years old. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i mean, it's just a book like any other book. it's got a table of contents and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a literal table of contents. >> a literal table of contents. >> jimmy: yeah. literal book. a literary. >> but the potted plant, of course, isn't on the table that goes on the book. but it's -- i mean, but it's --
but it's -- again it's like any other book. i mean, it has a preface. you see? i wrote a preface. >> jimmy: oh, very nice. >> lots of books have preface. >> jimmy: i love -- that's my favorite part of books. >> but i go further. i also have a post preface. >> jimmy: oh very nice. yeah, you had a little bit something that you wanted to ad there to your preface. >> and a post preface. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> yeah. >> jimmy: where does the book start? >> the book starts about 200 pages in. [ laughter ] i have -- a pre-imposed preface. and then -- and then -- >> jimmy: that's great. >> and then that's the end of the pre-imposed preface preface. >> jimmy: you need to have those to prepare people for the book. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you have -- you did a lot of research? >> i did. >> jimmy: lot of stuff. >> well, i had too -- you know, i had go back to my roots. the roots. [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: and when you found -- you made kind of a little fun game -- >> i did. i did. >> jimmy: -- using your
reference. >> i did. >> jimmy: your research. >> it's sort of a quasi memoir. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the book is a little bit about my life. and i unearthed my middle school year book from when i was in eighth grade all the way back in 1884. >> jimmy: let's see it. come on. can't we get a picture or something in there. >> oh yeah, sure. go in really tight there. hey, bowl cut. >> jimmy: there he is. come on. that's awesome. >> anyway, but so, yeah, in looking at this 'cause i was kind of an insecure kid. i don't know what you were like when you were -- >> jimmy: yeah, i was pretty insecure. >> yeah, like i wanted to fit in. that was kind of my big thing. >> jimmy: me too. >> so we were given the opportunity to write down our likes and our dislikes. you know, like what we thought was cool. and i was looking at it, everybody thought the same thing. because we were so conformist. so like -- no one wanted to say something different than what anyone else said. >> jimmy: okay. >> so i actually did a statistical analysis of what the guys liked, what the girls liked, and what the dorks liked.
>> jimmy: okay. are we going to play a little quiz? >> yeah. we're going to play a little quiz. >> jimmy: okay. >> and your art department was nice enough to make these. >> jimmy: hey, that's pretty nice. >> yeah. am i putting these in the right -- do i have these in the right place? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. what is this one? >> this is boys likes. the top five things that the boys liked. >> jimmy: oh, this is almost like family feud. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're like the next -- anderson. >> i know. i feel that way. i feel that way. >> jimmy: all right. should i guess? >> good forbid. yes. >> jimmy: survey says. >> number one, try to guess the number one thing -- >> jimmy: what boys liked. >> -- that boys liked in my middle school in 1984. audience? [ audience yelling ] okay, i heard girls. that was number three. but it wasn't -- oh no. no. there. okay, now i just have to revel that one. chugging beer was the number -- >> jimmy: wow, at your middle school. >> well, it was -- no one really chugged beer, but they said so. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. absolutely. >> you said so. it was -- girls was -- but it
wasn't girls. it was some girls. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that rolling stone's album or -- no, this is just some girls. >> ah, choosey. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a little choosey. >> jimmy: guys are very picky. >> no, the number one, unless anyone wants to take another guess. then number one was pizza. >> jimmy: yeah, guys like pizza. what was -- number two. >> number two. very straight forward. 2:45. >> jimmy: absolutely. that's the end of the day. >> now this is -- this is very -- this is very specific to the early 1980s. okay? >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> number five thing we liked the most, socks. >> jimmy: oh my god. that probably wouldn't be on the list today at all, would it? >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: all right. let's -- can we do one more? >> yeah. and my legs by the way were -- was some -- [ laughter ] not all -- >> jimmy: no, no. >> just some -- >> jimmy: absolutely. yeah, yeah. you have to chose -- decker. >> all right, we have time for one more. >> jimmy: yeah. >> all right, can we do that? can we talk about the -- the -- the dorks? >> jimmy: yes. the dorks, yes. >> we called them gomers.
>> jimmy: gomers was your name for dork? >> yeah. >> jimmy: like gomer pyle? >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: interesting. gomer. >> gomer. >> jimmy: never heard that. all right. >> these were their dislikes. okay, this is what the gomers disliked. the number one things they most disliked was pluto. >> jimmy: the planet, not the dog. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love their have their own section in the yearbook. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is what the dor -- the gomers like. >> pluto was not cool. >> jimmy: no. well, officially it's not even a planet anymore. >> flat soda was the second one. [ laughter ] now here's where it gets a little touching. okay. it's actually a little bittersweet. the third thing they disliked the most was middle school. [ audience aws ] it was actually really sort of chang my perception of how i was as a kid. the fourth thing they disliked the most was changing for gym class. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, gosh. this is killing me. -- after school thing. >> i know. and this is -- this really says it all. the thing they dislike the most
was begin -- i know. i know. >> jimmy: begin called -- >> i know. there was this one kid who i didn't even know his real name. >> jimmy: you don't know what his name was? jim nabors. wouldn't that be weird. 'cause then he became gomer pyle. >> exactly. >> jimmy: anyway, that's a weird -- >> yeah. you know, he sings opera, jim nabors. >> jimmy: he does? >> yeah. you should have him come on the show and sing oprah. i don't know if he'd -- >> jimmy: around? [ light laughter ] it sounds like a tgi -- like -- clip -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- next to me exploding. >> right, like -- obi-wan kenobi. >> jimmy: obi-wan kenobi. >> jimmy: absolutely. you guys, all this research is in this great book. "mr. funny pants." michael showalter, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ looking to add a little smile to your chili ?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: first of all, jim neighbors is very much alive -- so hopefully we'll have him on the show. second unfortunately, we'll have to have dan st. germain on another night. he'll be back here march 1st, so he's got time to get his act even better. so it better be good. dan st. germain coming back. we like that guy. our thanks to william h. macy, michael showalter and the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there! dan st. germain, we'll see you soon buddy. stay tuned for "carson daly." that's for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪